• Lily Ewing

Featured on UpJourney: How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated

Excerpt from How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated, According to 11 Experts for UpJourney. Published on October 1, 2019. See the full article here.

"The first step for getting over someone you never dated is acknowledging that your feelings are real.

If you’re going to process the feelings and do the work or getting over someone, you have to be able to validate that you really did love this person.

Often, when the feelings are one-sided, our minds tend to diminish our own feelings to make us feel less rejected, defective, or alone. Our minds will do anything they can to soothe our insecurities, and falling in love with someone who didn’t want to date you can certainly ignite some old and new insecurities.

You have to slow yourself down and acknowledge your true feelings. It’s also important to note that married people and those in healthy, committed, long-term relationships may also have one-sided love experiences with people who are not their partner.

Our brains are wired to fall in love, and this doesn’t automatically turn off when you commit to someone romantically. There are a lot of people who are married and who are also falling in love with people they’ve never dated. In this case, acknowledging and understanding your feelings is especially important, because left unchecked, these feelings could lead to an affair down the road.

Try to understand what desires or emotional needs the other person meets for you – where are your feelings coming from? Then, you’ve got to find ways to bring those same desires back to your real relationship.

Maybe you and your partner need to focus more on communication or make more romantic gestures, or time for dates in your marriage. Replacing those feelings for the other person with real things in your real relationship will help you get over the one you never dated.

And what I think is the most important part of getting over someone you never dated is sharing your experience with someone else. Whether it’s your best friend, your mom, or your therapist, it feels so good to let your true, unrequited feelings be known by someone else.

And in sharing with people we love and trust, we’re usually met with encouragement, support, and connection from people who love us and want to be in our lives. And those feelings are mutual."

See the full article here.

Lily Ewing Counseling, LLC

Are you a therapist near me?

I am currently available to see clients located in Washington state. Currently, all sessions are being held over video call. At this time, I do not have a clear timeline of when in-person sessions will be offered. As it becomes safe and appropriate to return to face-to-face work, I will update information here. Video sessions will always be an option moving forward, even when in-office work resumes. In the future, in-person sessions will be held at a new office space in Seattle. Location is not specifically determined at this time, but it will likely be in Belltown, Queen Anne, or the general vicinity of Downtown Seattle. 


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I am accepting new clients at this time and have current weekday and evening session times available.

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